Hello My Name Is Broken

So I never would have expected to be here "blogging." I mean this is so not who I am, or at least who I have always assumed I am. Come on, blogs are for "hippies" and people who take just a little too much pleasure in telling others what they are doing wrong. At least this is my experience with this vein of social media. So how, then, have I found myself sitting at this computer and writing to you? 

I guess this whole thing is really about me. I know that sounds a bit conceited but there you have it. This "blog" is a tool for me to process through the twists and turns that this life has thrown at me. If maybe, my struggle is something that you can relate to or you find some encouragement through my journey then that is just an added bonus. Now, this is NOT a platform for me to beg you to feel sorry for me. In fact, pity is the farthest thing from what I want. I simple want to be a voice to all those thoughts and feeling that those of us with chronic, and overwhelming pain feel like we can't express.

My Honest Place:

You need to know something about me: blunt is an understatement. There is not a lot of things that I am not willing to say, or in this case type. I need you to understand that I am not trying to offend, pick on, tear down, or belittle any one, period. What I write is simple an honest flow of thoughts, feeling, and ideas. This is my honest place. A place that I can be exactly who God created me to be without masks or walls. There will be things that are difficult to read, expressions of anger and grief, moments of revelation, and a glimpse into the randomness that is my brain. I hope to make you laugh, make you think, and maybe change how you view the world. 

What can you expect? In the coming weeks and months, you will see me touch on physical and practical matters, emotional matters, and most importantly spiritual matters. I hope that these things will bring an outlet to your own frustrations, a better understanding of the effects of chronic pain, and the knowledge that no matter what you go through in life; God is always there to see you through. 

A little about me:

First of all, my life has turned out NOTHING like I thought it would when I was a kid. I grew up in beautiful Colorado Springs, CO in a Christian home with loving parents and a kid sister. Both my sister and I are adopted and I always thought that made me special. When I was growing up, I was sure I knew what my life would look like. I would play volleyball professionally (I really was good), I would get married young, have at least 4 kids, live in a nice house with a few dogs in the back yard, my family would travel and we would enjoy making the same memories that I did growing up, money would be no problem, and my family would be happy and healthy.
 Now, why was I so sure that this was how I was going to end up? Well, I am a Christian and that means that God will bless my life and give me only good things. Right? 

No one told me how hard life hits you. When I was just 16, all these dreams came crashing down. I was playing volleyball, landed on a ball rolled under the net, and blew out my knee; what followed has changed my view on life, love, self-worth, endurance, strength, and what being a Christian really is all about. Over the next 12 years, my faith was tested with a string of medical diagnosis that literally threatened to end my life. I questioned how a "loving" God could make a person go through so much suffering. How could this be the "abundant life" that God promises in John 10:10? Why was all of this happening to me? What did I do to deserve such a hard and painful life?  

The following is from an article that I wrote for a friends website:

There is far greater mention of the struggles and hardships in life in the Bible than the "good and easy" times. The key is that each of those verses come with a promise: Even through you have to go through trials, God is always there walking with you. I think that's the point. Trusting that God is with us and has our best in mind, no matter what happens, is the cornerstone of what I think is a true relationship with God. We must know, remember, and hold on to the truth of who God is: A God who desired and abundant life for each one of us, and who has a plan to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future [Jeremiah 29:11].

  • Know: "Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you [God] are with me." - Psalms 23:4
  • Remember: "In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:33
  • Hold on to: "He will wipe every tear from their eyes, there will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain." Revelations 21:4
There is a big difference between "easy" and "abundant." The definition of easy is "requiring no great labor or effort," while the definition of abundant is "richly supplied." There is no such thing and an "easy life." For one to simply have life is not easy. I mean they call it "labor" for a reason. Mankind gave up "easy" when Eve ate the fruit, and in that moment I think God went to plan B. Man choose evil, and God choose to work that evil for good (Romans 8:28). If everything in out lives goes well, and there is no pain or suffering, then why do we need God? I claim that trials in life are the catalyst to your complete dependance on God and thus one of the most important parts of the time you spend on this earth. Without pain, could you truly appreciate joy, peace, comfort, rest, hope, the fullness of God's love or even fully know God? These are the things that He wants to richly supply each of us with, and what I believe makes up an "abundant life."

 Broken doesn't mean destroyed, no it simply means a specimen that is ready to be put back together just the way God wants it to be.